5/11/09
{ 5/11/2009 06:10:00 PM }
Breaking up and moving on is such a
struggle.
Everybody's changing.........
Most of them changed for the worst.
Is it bad? If i care so much for someone who you pushed away for many times and now wanting to make up for all the wrong things that you've done. I
dont believe its karma. But i believe that
im the one to blame for his actions right now. He's totally not himself! I
dont know him anymore! The one i used to love is out at night partying, drinking and
fkng hell smoking. MAKES ME SAD knowing all of this. I used to hide stuff from him when we were still together. I did stuff that he
didnt want me to do. I broke a few rules and
thats one reason why i decided to break up with. I promised myself not to blog about him and how i feel anymore. But this is the only way i know that could shake it all away.
I just want you to know that i still care. Whether you like it or not,
i'll always do. I'll be here, silently because i can feel that you no longer want me around you. For now. And i hope one day, you'll be running back to me. I'll be fighting for you, silently. But
i'll be moving on too. I can do those at the same time. It's sounds impossible but its not. Besides, you
dont care how i live my life right now. It's fine. Its okay even if you
dont appreciate anything i say or do. I'm used to it.
Dont worry about me,
i'll be better that fine. It's okay if you avoid me. It's okay if your with someone else. Because i know that one day you'll be coming back to me. I still believe in us and i wish we worked things out. I know it's too late, i
dont care. Maybe you'll be back.
But
i'm also tired of wanting you back. I want to stop but i
dont know where to begin. Well, if the old you is back then maybe this inconsistent mind would function better and choose the right things properly. Maybe we're not for each other. Maybe we are. Nobody knows. But whoever you are right now. I want to be there for you. It's okay if you push me away. I'm still here. Even if it kills me. But once i find someone who'll be there for me, who'll appreciate all the things i do. Then
i'll stop. I'll force myself to stop because
i'm nothing to you right now. I'm just an old flame
thats now an ash.
I know there are people who have given up on you. I
dont want to be like them because
i'm not. But no one knows what the future brings. It will always remain uncertain. But i still want you to be a part of my life. Being friends is fine because
thats where everything starts and well, ends too. But if you
dont like any of my ideas then it's okay.
Thank you.
P.S, Don't worry,
i'm fine. I'll stop thinking about you and being "
emo". It's not the way
i'd like to live my life.
